


if only, if only

by Purple64



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Violins, implied child neglect, post-chapter 74 (Fruits Basket), post-episode s02e16 Ask Him For Me, sad bunny boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28140882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple64/pseuds/Purple64
Summary: Momiji plays his last violin performance.
Relationships: Sohma Hatori & Sohma Momiji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	if only, if only

**Author's Note:**

> Not really edited, forgive my mistakes. 
> 
> This has always been one of my favorite chapters of the manga, I love Momiji and wish he got to grow up with Momo.  
> I feel like the anime didn't quite get the chapter right (why did Tohru do that weird fall thing) but, it still hurt me. 
> 
> Title comes from the song in the book/movie Holes.
> 
> The song Momiji is playing is either the Birth by Sleep version of Dearly Beloved (1:16-1:30 mark) or Fate of the Unknown (2:35-2:45 mark) from the Kingdom Hearts series.

Momiji took a deep breath, and tried to relax as he peeked outside from the backstage curtain. He knew it was useless but, he still felt a small bit of hope that he’d see the face of his family amongst the audience. Of course, no familiar faces were sitting in the seats. Most of the crowd had left once the junior recital had finished, parents usually only stayed to see their children. Momiji’s age group was already low, most kids dropped out of their violin lessons to focus on their studies or because of commitments to clubs at school.

The ones who were serious about music usually went to a high school with a big musical program. The ones who stayed, like him, only did music as a hobby, not really thinking of this as a career. Momiji would have been one of the few remaining older students who stayed through high school. Unfortunately it didn’t look like he could play anymore, with his Papa asking him to quit a month ago.

He was happy to hear that Momo wanted to play the violin (and that her interest was from watching him play). He just wished his Papa’s fears about his mother getting any flashbacks to her connection with Momji didn’t take the violin away from him. He loved his family, and would do anything to keep them happy. But, an ugly part of him couldn’t quite let this go. He actually felt bitter that he had to give up the violin, just once he wished Papa would put him first instead of Mama.

(He didn’t blame Momo, his only bitterness surrounding her was the fact that they wouldn’t be able to play a duet. He wished that he could teach her how to play).

He did tell his Papa that he wouldn’t quit right away, that he wanted to do one last show. He knew that would mean they had a higher chance of his Mama seeing him. His Papa pointed out that Momo would have her first recital that day, yet Momiji still argued that he wanted to play. That was the first time his Papa saw him resist his requests when it came to their family.

Momiji didn’t know what came over him (he did know, he just wanted his Papa to be there for him too). The argument got heated enough that Hatori came over to see what was going on. His Papa finally gave his blessing after he saw Momiji cling on to Hatori in tears, telling him that he needed to quit the violin. He didn’t meet Momiji’s eyes as he made a hasty exit. Hatori just held him as he cried (some times Momiji felt like Hatori was the only adult who truly loved him).

He broke the news to his teacher a few days ago, and they were sadden that Momiji wouldn’t continue until the end of high school. Momiji’s excuse was that he wanted to focus more on school and while his teacher understood, they were confused. They really thought Momiji would have tried to enter a music university, his love for the violin obvious. Momiji found it hard to smile and replied that he just felt it was time to move on to focus more on school. He tried to hold in his tears when the teacher mentioned it was a shame he was quitting, that another Sohma child joined not too long ago. That the little girl must have been related because they looked so similar, Momiji just laughed and said his family was so big it was hard to keep track.

(If his music had a somber tone to it those last few days, who could blame him).

He shook head, trying to get his thoughts back to the present. He tightened the grip he had on his bow and violin as the person on stage began to play their final notes.

This was it. His last recital before he had to give up the violin for good.

He tried to steady his hands as he made his way to the stage. He looked to the crowd one more time, desperate to see if his Papa stayed for him (he knew he’d never see his Mama or Momo out there). He didn’t see him (he knew that his Papa made plans to take Mama and Momo out to eat after her performance, he watched as Papa ushered them out quickly. Papa already apologized that he couldn’t see his last performance. Making the excuse that it was too big of a chance with Mama).

Momiji took a breath and got in to position. He closed his eyes and played, it felt like he was pouring out his soul to the world. He wished his family was here, and imagined they were all sitting in the crowd. He felt the tears he fought earlier begin to fall down his face.

As he approached the second half of his performance (he wasn’t ready for it to be over yet, he didn’t want this to be the end) he opened his eyes and saw the reaction of the crowd. The audience was captivated by his performance, as if they could feel his desperation. He almost wanted to stop playing, he felt like they didn’t deserve it, why should they witness the emotions he was feeling?

He didn’t want them to know his sadness. When his family could never know anything about him.

(He would always be an outsider looking in when it came to his family, just because his Mama refused to be the mother of a baby that transformed into a rabbit).

As the last notes played out, the room was silent. He stood there, feeling exposed, like he shared a secret that no one should know. Suddenly, the room was filled with applause and Momiji was given a standing ovation.

He bowed and hastily made his exit off the stage. Ignoring his classmates praise, he went straight to the back were he had his things. He quickly packed up, planning on heading home. He couldn’t get a grip on his emotions. He was both joyful at the response of his performance and angry that no one was there for him. He would come apologize to his teacher later about not staying for the rest of the show. He couldn’t be here anymore.

As he slipped out the exit, towards the bus stop, a voice called him from behind. Momiji went rigid in surprise. He turned around and was met with biggest bouquet of flowers he’d ever seen. He grabbed them on instinct and looked up to see Hatori. Momij didn’t know what to say or do, he was in shock that someone came for him. Hatori must of sensed his dilemma, the older man just wrapped him up in a hug. Momiji just clutched the fabric of Hatori’s clothes as he cried out his thanks. The man just hummed in response, whispering words of comfort.

The older man apparently made reservations at Momiji’s favorite restaurant and picked up a cake to have at home. Hatori tried to make it for the full performance but had to check up on Akito before he left. He slipped in towards the end of the performance and had run after him when he his classmates told him Momiji already left. Momiji felt tears falling again, this time in joy as he followed Hatori to his car. He may never be part of his Papa’s family but he was grateful to part of Hatori’s. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope I got their character voices okay, I wish Momiji got to express the unfairness of his home life.
> 
> I really like Hatori and Momiji's relationship, I always thought of him as his father/big brother.  
> I feel like it might of been like Kazuma and Kyo. Hatori looked after him cause of guilt and then saw him as his child. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. Have a good holiday and be safe out there!


End file.
